“BEREAVEMENT STRIKES VILLAGE TWICE!”This could have been the December ‘Link’ Headline!!Just over a year ago Acaster Malbis was left to grieve over the untimely death of Richard Blacker and, yet again, just 13 months later the village once more grieves over another untimely death, this time Richard Edmondson (a close neighbour) of the Blacker family! What are we to make of all this? In an article in last week’s Church Times entitled ‘How can churches be places of healing, rather than unintentional wounding, after bereavement? The time after the funeral is when grievers may find themselves increasingly isolated, owing to other people’s reactions or silence. A funeral is sometimes misunderstood as drawing a line under a bereavement: that it represents a closure. This is not the case, but it is an important ritual in the process of mourning, a funeral is more of a start than an end point. The bereaved now face a life without their loved one, and this could involvesignificant change, particularly if the loved one played a central part, such as that of a spouse.• Elsie, 75, described how she had never slept alone in a house until her husband died. To have nobody under the same roof made her nervous every night, until she started getting used to it. It is not only a matter of a lack of organised support, however. It is other people’s reactions that can be disorientating, leaving the bereaved baffled at the apparent lack of understanding or empathy. This could be from anyone in their family or circle of acquaintance, including church members. Lorraine said: “The members of our church family broadly fell into three camps:a. those who didn’t know what to say and avoided us;b. those who wanted to share their tragedy (talk about their ownlosses and not our daughter);c. those who wanted to engage with us, but in their eagerness /desperation said crass things, e.g. ‘I understand how you feel, my cat died recently.’“The day after the funeral, we were asked, ‘Have you started to move on?’These responses made us feel despairing and isolated.”(As an aside, when my wife’s late husband died as the result of an accident, a neighbour knocked on her door and said, ‘If you are selling the car now please can I have first refusal?’)Regular churchgoers can find it very hard to go back to church and one commented how people coming into a service would pass along a pew and say, ‘how are you?’ It made me feel like they had no inkling of what I was going through and made me even more isolated.” Quotes from the bible are not what people want to hear, there are better options ...there is still not enough understanding and acknowledgement that grief is a complex lifelong journey. Each person’s grief journey is unique to them ... the bereaved adjust, just as the amputee adjusts to living with a prosthetic limb. Grief usually becomesmanageable, but this is where the church comes in. Grief does not end at the funeral or after six months, one year, or two years.“The greatest suffering at the death of a friend does not occur immediately upon the event. It comes when the world has forgotten that you have cause to weep; for when the eyes are dry, the heart is often bleeding,” wrote the 19th- century clergyman Nehemiah Adams.---If any reader would like the full article, please ask for a copy from Michael Sargent – msargent@btinternet.comAny who would like to follow up their own loss with a visit or chat please contact me as above.The above extract from the Church Times was written by Abi May, a mother bereaved of her two children, Pax and Catherine.Michael Sargent, Licensed lay Minister, AAA Benefice
I love Advent. Don’t you? And it’s here once more to cheer our dark days with promised light. I lovethe song O Holy Night, with its soaring melodies and beautiful lyrics:O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,It is the night of our dear Saviour’s birth.Long lay the world in sin and error pining,‘Til He appear’d and the soul felt its worth.A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices!O night divine, O night when Christ was born;O night divine, O night, O night Divine.You can listen to King’s College Choir singing it with the link to You Tube below.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTFG_nvreoIThe message is still the same, after more than 2000 years. There is a light that pierces the darkness,gives us hope, even when wars rage and we are weary with sin and error. It’s time to listen to theangels and fall on our knees once more with the wonder of it all. And if you haven’t really heard thismessage before, then perhaps Jesus is gently knocking on the door of your heart. And if you have,many times, then listen anew and let that thrill of hope kindle and burn. Let’s be faithful carriers ofthe Good News about Jesus, and pray for the transformation of our own bedraggled selves and ourweary, sceptical, suffering world by the saving power of Christ. The Kingdom that Jesus came tobring is about forgiving each other, about being peacemakers, bringing good news to the poor,comforting those who mourn, showing mercy as we are shown mercy.Let’s remember who we are. Although mortal we are made in the image of God. Although we do thethings we should not and leave undone the things we should, God is waiting with open arms torestore us. And he’s waiting to restore the whole world, the whole of creation in the fullness of time.That’s why I love Advent. We wait for heaven to touch earth when God himself becomes one of us,and we wait and pray for His Kingdom to come, and His will be done, on Earth, as it is in Heaven.Rachel Reid.
Our Christmas day service of Holy Communion will be lead by Bishop Paul Ferguson (formerly Bishop of Whitby). This celebration is the culmination of our anticipation during the season of advent.Thanks to Dan Kiefer for the nativity scene picture.
