The Revd Writes… “Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.” William Shakespeare A new year dawns and with it the opportunity, by God’s grace, to continue to love and even perhaps, to find a new love. For those wishing to marry in church within our Benefice, there is now the possibility to marry in any one of our five churches. Up until now, couples have been limited to marrying within their own Parish Church or a church with which they have a qualifying connection but not the option of being able to choose to marry within any church that falls under the jurisdiction of their Vicar. In recent months our Parochial Church Councils had all agreed to apply to the Bishop of St Albans for what is known as a Section 23 Order, which has now been granted. In practice, this means that a couple’s banns may now be called in any of the churches, though usually in the church where they are to be married, as well as offering more choice regarding the venue for the big day. We are blessed with five stunningly beautiful churches, all of architectural merit within their right, including St Lawrence’s, Ardeley, St Peter’s, Benington, St John the Baptist, Cottered, Holy Trinity, Throcking and St Mary the Virgin, Walkern. For those who choose to marry in exotic places overseas or grand hotels closer to home, there is also the option of having your marriage blessed locally in church. This often means being able to invite folks whom you may not have been able to include on the day of your wedding. A Service of Blessing is also available for those who wish to renew their marriage vows around the time of special anniversaries – though every wedding anniversary is special! Post-Covid, further changes are afoot regarding the possibility of being able to be married outside. The experience of needing to meet in fresh air during the pandemic has enabled a re-think when it comes to where you can be married, currently limited to licensed buildings. The law is now set to change which will allow weddings to take place in outdoor spaces such as botanical gardens etc and more likely than not will also include churchyards. This will be a first and I’m sure will be popular with many couples. At present marriage in Church of England churches is limited to heterosexual couples. The debate on same sex marriage however is beginning to shift with some senior bishops now calling for the Church to become more inclusive and aligned with the norms in everyday society. Over 1000 clergy, including myself, have now stated publicly that they would be willing to marry same sex couples in church once this becomes legal. I’m hopeful that this day now draws nearer. If you would like any further information on any of the above, please don’t hesitate to be in touch. God Bless Mark
The Revd Writes… “Sometimes I feel lost,” said the boy. “Me too,” said the mole. “But we love you, and love brings you home. I think everyone is just trying to get home,” said the mole. I’m grateful to a friend who bought me a copy of ‘The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse’ by Charlie Mackesy last year. A simple book, beautifully illustrated with words of wisdom that reach out and speak to all ages. I’m pleased to see that it is predicted to be a top seller for this Christmas. It comes recommended by yours truly. I wonder how many children will be waking up on Christmas morning and be thrilled to bits to know that they are now the proud owner of a Jiggly Pets Noodle Pink Pup? The said Pup is predicted to be this year’s top toy. It walks, barks, and wags its tail whilst playing a tune, which at £12 will be music to every parent’s ears. Last year’s top toy, Barbie Day to Night Dreamhouse weighed in at nearly £200 eclipsing this year’s supermarket hopeful, Hot Wheels Garage Exclusive – includes twenty cars – at £124.99 Every parent wants their child to have the best possible Christmas. Many will have poured hours into overtime at work to help try and balance the books so that they are able to make this Christmas extra special. The cost of giving can be a high price to pay though many will agree it is all worth it to bring a smile to a much-loved child’s face. Yet Christmas toys come with a little caveat. My father once bought me a Hornby train set. He was extremely excited about it and couldn’t wait to get it all set up. To be honest, I wasn’t that bothered. I much preferred the matchbox cars, which delighted me all the way through my childhood. It just goes to show that children have the right to choose, and it might just be that the most expensive gift this year doesn’t quite make it to the top of the list when it comes to personal preference in your household. Take comfort in the knowledge that a child’s right to choose is a key step on the way to developing confidence and independence. There’s always next year for you to get it right! The exorbitant cost of children’s toys contrasts with the simpler things that make for a special Christmas. As Mole says, “love brings you home.” A young couple with not very much to their name, manage to create a safe warm place for their newborn baby. This is the start and the heart of the Christmas story. Creating a loving home which invites friends and family to come together brings cheer to the soul. A simple gift given with love is priceless and one to be treasured. Opportunities to share with others this festive season are to be made the most of – love in a home cannot be measured by any retail price index. And for that, we must all be grateful. Happy Christmas. God Bless Mark
The Revd Writes… The latest review by the Church of England into historic cases of abuse (Past Cases Review 2) has brought to light again how inept human institutions can be when looking after the frail and vulnerable. So often the expectation that those in authority will conduct themselves appropriately and implement good practices effectively has resulted in catastrophic trauma and disappointment. Shockingly, institutions which have promoted themselves as bastions of sanctuary for those in need have sometimes found individuals within their own ranks using such cover to create opportunities to manipulate and exploit their victims. Similarly, those charged with maintaining discipline and holding boundaries have often colluded with harmful and damaging behaviour rather than face the consequences of ‘rocking the boat.’ Having worked for many years in adult psychotherapy and having run a diocesan counselling service for clergy and their families, I’m all too aware of the psychological damage that results from abuse. Such trauma crushes the human spirit, arrests development, and destroys life chances, trapping many children, women, and men in a ceaseless pattern, consciously and unconsciously, of victimisation. Clergy and others who have perpetrated such abuse over the years have caused untold damage to the reputation of the Church, tarnished the reputation of the profession of ‘Vicar’ and made the task of pastoral ministry so much harder on the street and in our parishes. I too feel anger and dismay at colleagues who have failed miserably to uphold the standards of behaviour expected of them. Suspicion and a lack of respect for the Church will linger in the hearts and minds of many for years to come. No amount of apology from Archbishops and Bishops will take away the dark stain of what has happened. Thankfully, ‘Safeguarding’ is now well and truly part of a healthier culture within our local churches. In the past, there was an understanding that the Church was there for everyone and that anyone could become part of the ‘church family’ without question. That is no longer the case. Anyone now whose behaviour is a cause for concern is rightly challenged and if necessary is prohibited from taking part in church life. Priority is given to those who are vulnerable, and policies are strictly adhered to in order to ensure that a culture of flourishing is engendered. Walking away from a past that has been so damaging in so many ways will take time. For those who have been directly affected the shadow of trauma is never far away – the path from victim to survivor is long and painful. For those of us working in ministry, the cost of the damage and its aftermath is high. But I believe we will turn this corner. Light will triumph over the darkness and what is good and true will be restored. God Bless. Mark
The Revd Writes… In the normal course of events, it is only after a funeral has taken place that the real process of coming to terms with loss begins to unfold. Anyone who has lost someone close to them knows that what follows from the initial funeral ritual of publicly grieving and celebrating a life that was loved is long days of feeling empty and disoriented. A normal span of grieving and readjusting to life that is now unquestionably different takes many months, not weeks or days, to work its way through the human heart and psyche. Our common human experience is that it takes time and space for us to come to terms with such change. Grieving the loss of someone you have loved deeply triggers for many people an emotional trauma, a strong feeling of being left, and even abandoned, alongside profound thinking about the meaning of life itself. Where to now? How will I manage in the future? Do I want to? The loss of Her late Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will continue to cause a period of solemn reflection for a great many people for months to come. For some who struggle with depression and low mood at the best of times, the negative impact on general mental well-being would not be surprising. An official national period of mourning behind us means that we must now do our best to muddle through the changes on our own. For some it will be important to continue to verbalise what this loss means, finding words with which to articulate a new sense of direction and purpose will not necessarily come easily. The need for gentle patience and quiet understanding from others will be important as together we look to the future. At some point on the horizon there will be a coronation. Seventy years is a very long time between coronations and is not something many of us have witnessed before. Those who are able to look back on fond memories of 1953 will be able to both reassure and excite those of us for whom this is going to be entirely new. The Coronation of King Charles III will symbolise a new chapter in the history of our country. Traditionally we measure time in accordance with the reign of our monarchs. Our Elizabethan Chapter is now closed, and we must look to a new beginning. The prospect of a coronation brings with it an opportunity for local authorities, parochial church councils and others to celebrate by instituting projects by which the whole community benefits. Now is the time to begin to formulate plans and think creatively about how we mark this important occasion. Even in straightened times, it is sometimes right to ‘make a splash’. Now is the time to contemplate funding and fundraising in order to ensure that this next coronation will be one we will remember and will in turn become a reference point for our children’s children. God Bless You. And God Save The King. Revd Mark Bailey
