We are shocked when we hear of bullying, spiritual, physical, sexual or emotional abuse that has taken place in the church and the debilitating effect it has had on those made to feel helpless. Church communities should reflect the healing love of Christ and be safe places where all are listened to.
We live in a time when survivors are listened to and perpetrators, if they are still alive, are held to account.
Those who haven’t been guilty of abuse are also being held to account for protecting them. Former Archbishop, George Carey has had his license withdrawn because he had been told about abuse perpetrated by Peter Ball and did nothing.
Horrendous abuse has taken place in the past. We all need to be vigilant, challenge and report anything we see amiss. The PCC and anyone else in a position of trust has to undergo safeguarding training so we know what we need to do. Those in positions of trust need to be checked out by the police.
I have never had a safeguarding situation reported to me. I have, however, seen individuals humiliated publically by those in authority; a friend excommunicated in a breaking of bread service because she had disagreed with the pastor even though she was publicly asking for forgiveness. None of us spoke up for her because we were confused. None of us should have taken Holy Communion, yet we carried on as if nothing had happened.
Another friend was refused Communion by her husband, the vicar because he wanted to divorce her. He treated her as the wrong doer yet he was having an affair.
I have watched friends humiliated and shouted at in church council meetings and know some of you have too.
These incidents have left all present confused and traumatised. Church members have left.
The readings today emphasise the importance of righteousness, of having a right relationship with God and our neighbours.
When there is sin in our lives, our church, community and nation, we need to do something about it. We cannot pretend all is well.
When relationships are broken, we need to put things right to the best of our ability.
“We are to owe no one anything,” Romans says, “except to love.” When there is love, and we agree, Jesus says God is present working within and among us.
Love overrules. Romans says “Love does no wrong to a neighbour; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.”
Matthew’s system by for sorting out our offences tells us to firstly meet privately with the person who has wronged us. If the situation is not resolved, we are to take two or three witnesses with us and if there is still no resolution, we bring the problem to the entire church community.
Today this process presents us with lots of difficulties. It doesn’t sound like Jesus but more like an ecclesiastical committee in a time when the church didn’t exist.
Secondly, it empowers the already powerful enabling leaders to throw out those they consider offensive.
The passage says, “If the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Jesus came to heal and save tax collectors and sinners. He befriended and included them. He sided with the poor and weak reserving most venom for the powerful religious elite.
In verses which follow, Jesus teaches we need to forgive someone who has offended against us seventy times seven times. Jesus’ love, patience and forgiveness has no limit and neither should ours, yet at the end of a process of humiliation, the person deemed offensive is thrown out of the church, abandoned, put beyond the security, prayers and teaching of the church. They are shunned, not forgiven.
The passage appears to give the Christian church the same power to forgive that belongs to God. “Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” These verses have terrorised those persecuted by the Church, those deemed as heretics and those believed to be witches, burnt at the stake.
Sin also resides with those in power. When we challenge others, we need to be aware of sin in our own lives. Only those without sin can cast the first stone.
Church congregations nearly always side with their vicar because prolonged conflict damages the reputation of the church.
Church discipline should never be a thing of rules and regulation but of love and forgiveness.
Many denominations and public disunity shows we have not disagreed well. When we divide and stop listening we become entrenched in opinions which may be half truths or entirely wrong
We need one another. Disunity brings disgrace to the Church and the body of Christ becomes broken and ineffective.
That’s why the Archbishop of Canterbury introduced the indaba process so that those who disagreed on same sex marriage listened to one another in love and found a way of staying in the same church together.
How do we challenge sin in love without hurting others?
When we are offended by another Christian we are not to punch them, slander them, retaliate, go to the law courts or the papers.
We are not to shun them. Many Christians have been hurt by that kind of rejection. Far from stopping a person from doing wrong, it drives them in the opposite direction and pushes them to join with others who agree with them.
We are not to write a letter of complaint. A letter may be misread or misunderstood and convey a tone that was never meant.
We are not to gossip.
We first of all are to go personally and tell that person alone so we don’t humiliate them in public.
They may not have known they hurt us and had offended God.
Instead of brooding and getting angry we are to voice our complaint to the person least likely to agree with us making ourselves as vulnerable as they are.
This makes us responsible to listen to each other and think and pray about what has happened.
It gives time for repentance and reconciliation, an opportunity to understand a brother or sister more deeply, strengthen the relationship and make a friend.
If there is no admission of wrong, there is an opportunity to show love and disagree respectfully.
If we are not listened to, we are to take two or three others with us. The point of taking witnesses would be to provide evidence so a charge could be made.
Power is weighted on the side of the complainant as the witnesses are likely to be his allies. This is manipulative and intimidating.
The offender would want to avoid going on trial before the church. The company of tax collectors and sinners would be preferable.
Jesus tells us to pray for those who despitefully use us. This is the loving thing to do before approaching anyone we are upset with.
He promises where two or three are gathered in his name, (in his character), that he is there among them. When we gather in Jesus’ name we gather in love. Jesus listens, he loves and he answers our prayer.
We are called to righteousness, repentance and right relationships.
God loves those who hurt us. We treat others the way we would like to be treated. When following any legal or scriptural process we do not want to cause further damage. “Love does no wrong to a neighbour; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.”
The church’s safeguarding procedures today exist to protect the weak and make sure they are listened to. The Diocesan Safeguarding Officer and police examine available evidence and decide what happens next. The covering up of abuse damages the weak. Allowing an abuser to reoffend is unloving.
We reflect God’s love for us by loving each other. In our community may all be valued, listened to, treated with respect and held accountable.