Vicar's Message for August

Dear Friends

I shouted at my dog today. And then I felt terrible. But there is something about my dog doing something I have taught him not to do that has the ability to drive me up the wall. On this occasion it was a simple as him dawdling and refusing to come the instant I called. I think part of the reason it can wind me up so much is that I like to pretend that I am in control of my dog’s life.

In fact I like to think I'm in control of quite a lot of aspects of my life. When I start to feel trapped or manipulated or that things in my work or personal life are out of control I find myself getting irritable and anxious.

In our society we have held independence up as a noble quality. We don't want to have to rely on other people. Most of us don't really like to ask for help, because we want to be in control.

My grandparents are now very elderly and like many elderly people they are postponing anything which might reduce their independence. Although neither of them have good eyesight and are both fairly immobile they have baulked at the idea of getting a cleaner (even though my mum offered to pay) because that would be something that they have to relinquish control over. I truly do understand it, but it doesn't make life easier for my mum and the rest of the family who worry for them.

However, to put it bluntly, control ultimately believes in self more than it trusts others or God.

And I believe that those of us who love to keep (or grab) as much control as possible do not tend to be those who are content with their lot. If we believe that every aspect in our lives should be under our control that is going to lead to anxiety and frustration when we're not.

There is so much in the world that is out of our control- wars, foreign elections, the cost of living, suffering and illness in our families or ourselves. For the most part all we can do is to trust and accept the things out of our control.

I’m sure I have shared this prayer before, but I make no apology for sharing it again… when you are feeling frustrated, irritable and anxious, when something is out of your control or someone has taken control of something where you’d like to be in charge you may want to pray what is known as the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.

Those of us who are followers of Jesus are called to live with open hands- to hold everything lightly. To trust God with the things we have no control over and to act with courage when we can affect change.

With my love as ever,

Jules

Priest in Charge of St Blaise and Luxulyan