One thing which may not be apparent when you are sitting in church on a Sunday morning is that the congregation is very varied. While on the surface the people may seem to be relatively homogeneous, they are often quite different from each other. Some are men, some women, some old, some young, some gay, some straight and some in between. Some of us are autistic.
While autism can be a superpower, with autistic people sometimes blessed with traits lauded by academia, fantastic memories and analytical skills, it can also be a barrier to engaging fully in wider society. How we approach and engage with our faith and church can differ from how neurotypical people (those individuals with typical neurological development or functioning) do so.
The first time we come to church can be extremely daunting, especially if it is something completely new to us. There is just so much to contend with. I find it extremely difficult to recognise faces due to my autism so walking into a new place with dozens of people to remember - faces, names, facts about them - can be nigh on impossible. Sometimes we don’t speak at all or have selective mutism. This can make participating in the services and the obligatory social niceties afterwards very challenging.
What do you do if someone wants to chat, but you cannot talk back to them? We can be aware it is seen as rude by neurotypical people but that cannot stop me from being silent at times. It is like a barrier between my brain and spoken words. I prefer to read from a script rather than the terrifying prospect of engaging in small talk with people.
Standing in front of a room full of people with words printed in front of me is less daunting. I don’t have to panic about what I say or saying the wrong thing. As we can be very literal, seemingly blunt to neurotypical people, what we say can be misconstrued. We struggle to read body language. Although watching The Traitors on TV makes me think that may be a more universal human trait. This can make social situations stressful.
One thing many autistic people have in common is our strong relationship with rules and regulations. This can mean following rules because they exist but also questioning the validity of rules. So when reading the Bible or listening to a sermon there is a loud voice in my head asking “Why?”. Fortunately the church encourages this questioning nature and wants congregations to challenge and question and consider their faith rather than follow blindly. I am a stickler for rules, but with a caveat that rules, regulations, laws and guidelines have to make sense and be worthy of following if I am to follow them.
So going to a new church there was a real need to know what the rules are - when to stand, to sit, to speak, to stay silent, to move, to stay still. But would I be able to stay still? Stimming - the repetitive performance of physical movements or sounds - is a common behaviour used by autistic people to cope in certain situations, when we are anxious or stressed for instance. When everyone around you is sitting still you don’t want to stand out by moving around.
So you mask. You put on an invisible mask for that time to pretend that you aren’t autistic and fit in like those around you, not standing out or drawing attention to yourself. But this comes at a cost. Masking can lead to stress, anxiety and autistic burnout when we are overwhelmed by our attempts to completely camouflage who we are. Imagine trying to pretend to be somebody else entirely for the whole of your life, like an unpaid spy undercover for decades - it will cause you some stress and worry you will be found out.
Church can be an overwhelming place if you are autistic and have issues with sensory overload. There are many people, noises, music, lights and lots of visual distractions too like stained glass windows and architecture. Sometimes people make physical contact which can be extremely uncomfortable. Shaking hands after the service can be an unpleasant experience as it involves physical touch which we are often averse to rather than the welcoming gesture it is intended to be. Where neurotypical people use eye contact to signal the level they are engaged with someone we don’t have the same rules. Eye contact can be painful and distressing. We are happiest looking away from people or, to seem polite, just away from their eyes or without our glasses on so we can’t see people’s eyes properly. Or maybe that last one is just me.
Macaskill (2019) argues that Paul believed the oneness of the body of Christ, the church, is at the basis of Christian practice so it is misguided to demand certain social practices like hugging, handshaking and eye contact as demonstrating the unity of the community. Autistic people should not be asked to conform to neurotypical ways of behaving to show they belong to the church. Inclusion and anti-discrimination is also written into law such as with the Equality Act (2010).
Concentration can take real concentration to maintain. But conversely, we can hyper fixate on things we are really interested in. While I have been hyper fixated on the fabulous pop group, Pet Shop Boys, I have also widened some of my major interests in later life. I love to learn everything about things which are important in my life and my faith is one of those things. I can read and read and study and explore topics. The desire to know everything about a hyper fixation is overwhelming. However, this can enhance our lives as our knowledge expands at an incredible pace.
One thing the church really excels in is ritual. That I can really understand. I love ritual and routine and find it incredibly fascinating learning how other people incorporate it into their lives. One of the key traits of autism is the need for routine and the stress caused when it is changed, especially unexpectedly. In the church a piece of bread is a body and some wine is blood. This may be accepted without question by many people but for me it also helps me to understand how neurotypical people think. As one of my sons said it’s obviously not really a body and blood is it? He has a point. The Bible was my first introduction to how other people’s brains work beyond our family and my book of Bible stories as a very young child filled me with wonder. It is jam packed with allegories and ideas beyond the literal. It also fuelled my love of literature and stories as a small child highlighting how authors can write one thing but actually mean something else. Without this ignited desire to learn how others think would I have read all of those incredible stories and planted the seed for the faith which came to me years later?
Autistic people do tend to congregate together. It is natural to seek out or even feel comfortable with people like ourselves. Nothing feels more natural than being with people on the same wavelength as you and that doesn’t just apply to autistic people. We seek out those with similar backgrounds and experiences and lives.
I believe autistic people can spot other autistic people even when just walking into a room. Within church congregations our numbers may be few but we will tend to stick with each other for security and comfort. We are also more likely to have autistic children or other family members due to its genetic element. Trying to navigate the parenting of autistic children in a space which does require some element of quiet and stillness can be demanding. This can lead some autistic people to avoid church when their children are young as they don’t wish to disturb others around them. Sunday schools can cater for young children but some Sunday school teachers may find it particularly hard to look after neurodivergent children without extra training in how to deal with challenging behaviour and how to make adjustments to the classes.
Our different way of thinking is partly reflected to us in the Bible by Nicodemus. His questions were challenging and he struggled with understanding what Jesus’ words to him really meant. He didn’t grasp the idea of Baptism possibly due to the ritual nature but his questioning gives us all greater insight into what Jesus was trying to convey.
Our relationship with God and Jesus can be affected by our autism. Friendships can be very difficult to make and maintain, indeed autistic people can have very different ideas about what constitutes friendship and the boundaries surrounding it. We are told we should have a personal relationship with Jesus but what does that actually look like? If we struggle to make and keep friends with people in our lives how will we navigate such a close relationship with Jesus? The fear of rejection never really leaves us even in this.
Our prayer can also be affected somewhat by our autism. It is not always possible to be still, quiet and focused when praying so it may appear out of the ordinary. We may be moving or making noise or vocally outpouring everything at once. When consulting the internet about advice on how to pray if you are autistic I was presented with a selection of results telling me how to pray for autistic people, specifically how to stop them being autistic. We don’t want to stop being autistic we want to be able to fit more comfortably into a world which currently doesn’t allow us the freedom to be ourselves.
God made us and God doesn’t make mistakes. We are made in His image - we are perfect just as we are. God chooses the marginalised and weak to challenge the strong and powerful challenging how society tends to function. Autistics are marginalised by society but chosen by God. We could be your family, your friends, members of your congregation or clergy. We just want to feel comfortable being ourselves in spaces and loved and valued as everyone else is. As the Bible teaches us.
by Elaine Shanks